Heaping Plate & Guilty Gravy

Original Date: January 31st, 2012

I woke up this morning as I sometimes do (more often than I would like) with the litany of obligations sitting on my chest and gazing at me expectantly (or maybe I’m getting that mixed up the with cat). Admittedly, I do have a lot on my plate. Hey, who doesn’t? Most times I just get up and get on with it.

And then there are those wonderful days where I actually list all the things I need to, have to, and should get done, not necessarily in that order, and all I want to do is stay in bed, even though I can no longer sleep because I’m feeling guilty that I haven’t gotten up yet to start…something. The problem is, I’m not one of those organized people who long ago realized, the key to getting crap done is to tackle tasks systematically and set small goals. I’m a disorganized flake who has elevated procrastination to an art form and sets goals based on how ashamed of myself I will feel if said task isn’t completed on time.

At the moment I have two part time jobs, I help my husband with the book-keeping at his business, I’m SLOWLY renovating our new house, and-oh yeah, almost forgot- I’m writing a novel series. Ideally, I would like that list to start backwards. Guilt and procrastination are not helping in that regard.

The silly thing is that’s my life. That stuff on its own is not enough to make me hide from the world between the sheets. What my wonderful, evil brain does is break down all of those things into their smaller components and reminds me what time I’ve wasted NOT getting those smaller things done.

Since this blog is about the book-writing, let’s start there. As of this writing. I don’t have my blog live yet. It’s not linked to my author page yet. I have Book 2 proofed but I haven’t approved the proof yet. I need to book, oh-I-don’t-know, like dozens of venues to read my wonderful books in public and garner some buzz. So far I’ve had one reading. Eight people showed up. And my friend sent me a video of that reading and it’s not downloaded on the blog yet. Book 3 is only on page 16, I haven’t written in a few days and I should write everyday, and when I write I should always try to maintain good posture so that hump in my back doesn’t get any worse. I should really get up and do yoga. It would center me and then I wouldn’t be so overwhelmed and I’d be able to clear my thinking and write more and be more confident during readings that I haven’t booked yet…

That’s just the book stuff, which is at the back of the aforementioned list that dictates my life. I could bore you some more with the stuff at the new house that has taken weeks, not days. I could list all of the paperwork that is completely disorganized at the Hubby’s business because of the mortgage to get said house, meanwhile tax time is looming large in the very near future. One of my jobs is at a church, the natural habitat for guilt. The only thing on that list I really don’t worry about is the second part time job. Job #2 is a minimum wage job that is fairly easy to do and requires little thought on my part. It’s only that I really don’t like the job and could probably quit it if I could get the book thing to take off even a little….. And so it goes.

As a woman, there are of course the other things I heedlessly obsess over. I don’t exercise enough. I should have gone for a walk this morning. I like to hula-hoop. Haven’t done that in weeks. I used to complain I didn’t have a place to do it. I have a whole freakin’ house now. I should swim laps at the local pool. I should learn how to swim. I should get a swim suit. I should wax my bikini area so I can swim in public. I need a hair cut. My latest moisturizer is making my forehead break out. I should order that cute nightie and surprise the Hubby for Valentine’s day. My body looks like hell. I should exercise more. I should go for a walk….I think you get it.

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